"Kylie is not physically right for the role.” That was basically what it came down to regarding my acting career or an attempt at one in TV & Film; unless I was willing to be type-cast as a bimbo or hooker, which I was not! On stage no one cared (as much) about how disproportioned my body was - there I thrived! And started working out issues I didn’t even know I had, in both comedies and dramas… Eventually I was able to "change the body that I came in, so I could feel like a damn queen.” And thank goodness J.Lo and the other Kylie clan made what remains popular.

 

This is my story, and I'm sticking to it:

 

I always got called in from my [head]shots. Had my first agent interview was with House of Representatives just weeks after moving to LA. The owner kept asking if I would go out Latin, literally went thru almost every country… I kept saying 'But, I'm not, and there are so many people in LA who are.' I just didn't get it (thank goodness!) I could have started out on a lie (which I abhor) crashed and burned out... I was never able to get (theatrical) representation, in the almost 10 years I exhausted myself trying. I got called in to several, but after seeing (all of) me they’d claim, "We already have your type." I would leave pissed off every time! 'Didn't they know that before they called me in?!' I consider myself smart, but the brutal honesty I'd grown up with in NY was very much lacking in LA. I now get what was happening back then and more so that "Rejection is God's Protection". So when I was asked to work for a talent manager I did not hesitate. I got myself auditions and was also privy to all the feedback... It was never about my talent - people loved what I brought to the material and my hair (always been a thing). It was more often, "She's not physically right for the role." One casting director even suggested I lose 20 pounds or gain 200. I'm 5'5" and got down to 118 lbs = I had nothing left to give! And I was about to put on a ton of weight; I’d worked too hard - exercised all the time and took the strongest diet pills I could get!! 

 

So I worked in other aspects of the industry in order to make a living as: a paid reader (for Aaron Griffith, Vicki Huff, Jeff Passero, Patrick Baca & Feldstein/Paris) casting asst (for Renited Whited, Michael Greer & Jean Scoccimarro) the assistant to the head of domestic distribution at Miramax - where my bosses (wtih the best intentions) wanted to "introduce me" to Bob or Harvey. 'No thank you! I may never make it in this industry, but it's not going to be like that.' I continued to manage other talent, opened a workshop company, always stayed on stage - inviting everyone I'd ever met to each play, and helped a lot of people with each endeavor! Sometimes I didn’t fight for my life, but each move served me in different ways. 

 

Eventually I was able (two pro-bono surgeries) to "change the body I came in…” but was fed up with LA! I moved back to NY, thinking if the theater world would have me then so be it. I’ll freeze; but it’ll be worth it. But no one knew me there and they were (rightfully) confused by my lack of (TV & Film) credits, especially now that I presented well. But I’m no quitter! So, I figured out how to use another skill I developed = started personal training and got not just physically stronger but mentally. I was quickly signed by Paradigm (commercially) when after my first audition, the CD was literally calling them as I left to tell them how amazing I was. FYI - no one lists commercial credits on a resume - they just go with a look (initially) so I was thrown into the mix and able to impress. At that point I was humbled enough to start submitting to student & indie films, regardless how little they paid. I booked a lot! Finally I had a demo reel I was proud of. So I went back to LA, booked a few national commercials, was back on stage, and starred in the only web series I ever submitted for - obtaining a ton of footage that helped secure my niche as a bitch - I would parody the mean/jealous girls who bullied me growing up, including my Mother.

 

But the TV world remained elusive. Then I heard the buzz about Atlanta, packed up and went for a Summer to check things out. Within a month I secured a TV/Film agent (FINALLY) another private gym, and loved all the city has to offer, and decided to stay. I booked a fun role that opens "Cobra Kai” on Netflix (though I originally won the role of Johnny’s ex) I was told, by the creators they fought for me for a month, but SONY would not sign off on me due to my lack of credits; still I had fun! I booked more Indies, Lifetime & Hallmark films, commercials, and then Nancy Reagan in "The First Lady” on Showtime - with an A-list celebrity cast (that was cancelled and my footage was never seen) and recently was on hold (another month) for a series regular/contract role on the new ABC soap "Beyond the Gates” (didn’t book it). 

 

Thank God I was introduced to the rooms of Al-Anon in 2010, have visited OA, SLAA, and hate that I love ACA. These programs have brought me understanding - of myself and others. I don't take things quite so personally as I recover. I have a much needed support group in lieu of a family. And I keep working hard at all of it. I'm so grateful for those who have believed in me, never forgot me, and even when I didn’t achieve monetary wins; it’s all been valuable!!! I’m no longer bitter; now grounded in faith - I’m exactly where I’m meant to be. Had I made it a minute sooner I would not have survived. I’ve learned so much, healed huge wounds, and stopped using destructive escapisms to distract from processing my feelings. I'm proud of my: tenacity and work-ethic, never lost the joy I get from my craft > with each character I’m privilege to play (for however long). I love being challenged to bring stories to life thru my experiences and imagination… And it’s now a lot easier to navigate the world both professionally and personally = I’m comfortable in my skin and my thinking is also right-sized.

 

I also enjoy writing, when inspired… Currently trying to sell two TV shows:

1. "This  is What It's Like” - sitcom outlining my life in the industry.

2. "Middle of the Bed” - episodic about a chapter of my life with an extreme addict which led to discovering why I was with him and others that came before.

 

Please stay tuned; there’s more to come…